Maybe you’ve heard it from your kids. “You just don’t understand me!” “You’re holding me back!” Maybe you’ve even heard “I hate you!” Those kind of words hurt when they come from our own family. They’re children we’ve loved, invested in, and tried to encourage. Maybe as a parent you’ve said discouraging things to your children as well. These kinds of words are reflections of walls we’ve built between us. Those walls have to be torn down if we’re going to have meaningful family relationships.
Here’s something the Bible has to say about it:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother… Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1-4, ESV).
The Bible is clear that making family relationships great is a two way street. Both parents and children are responsible for unity in the family. Children should not only obey, but honor their parents as well. The Bible is saying that children should really respect their parents’ role in their lives. Dad’s and Mom’s aren’t just to provide discipline and instruction, but should do it without intentionally making their children angry. They also demonstrate that, when they set limits and boundaries and enforce them, they have their children’s best interests at heart.
When children obey and honor their parents, Mom’s and Dad’s see that as a sign that their children are trying to be responsible. Responsibility brings trust and along with trust soon comes more privileges.
When parents clearly express their love and explain their decisions in discipline, their children are more likely to feel like parents really are trying to do what’s best for them. They may not always understand the decisions and at times they are sure to protest. But they will understand that their parents care and that will make all the difference.
But according to the Bible our family’s first obligation is to God. Children are to obey “in the Lord” and parents are to bring their children up in the Lord. If we all are doing the best we can to honor God, it will show up in the way we relate to our families. It will help us tear down the walls.
